The current belief systems that run the world have been largely designed BY men, FOR men. Women’s duties are clearly defined and are usually if not always more stringent than men’s. The well being, rights and benefits for women are added as post script and usually in a way that’s not enough, certainly not equal.
This is why I dare say women, whatever faith or religion they are born into shouldn’t subscribe to any faith as an evangelist, supporter or promoter of it for the benefit of their own gender and for the future of upcoming generations of women.
The world runs in such a way that there are religions and cultures that dominate by majority or are expansionists with a soft or a hard/aggressive strategy. When they are expanding, they put women on pedestal to recruit them while downplaying the subjugation they bring upon women when they become powerful.
The educated, privileged, in-comfort women then become promoters/critics or active participants of the religious systems. We see women playing social media warriors for and against various faiths all the time – however what is common amongst almost all of them is how oblivious they are to the challenges of women who live subjugated because of lack of access to resources or agency to their own life.
The keyboard warriors, the intellectual thought leaders of women who are being polarised to take sides with one faith too the other haven’t seen the pain of a woman who does not have a way out of domestic violence, polygamy, financial depravity, malnourished children, unaddressed health issues and unpaid labour etc. amongst many other challenges that billions of women get subjected to on the daily basis around the world.
Women need to act like ‘voters in a democracy’ if you will. Negotiating their rights, well being and resources while being asked to take sides and asking for unjust practices to be abolished. Our collective bargaining power is immense and hence the social systems are designed to keep us away from diverse community set ups. We have a great opportunity to use social media to put our collective voices to better use than be the sheep the patriarchal world wants us to be. To collectively ask for a better life, health, opportunities and standing than what we get.
Unless a faith or religion has women at the heart of its design and doesn’t treat them as an afterthought, it is not in benefit of women to become its warriors, evangelists or even subscribers of it.
Whether you agree or disagree with me, do share your thoughts in comments below.
A leader I coach recently said something that has stayed with me for days: “Employees need to believe that their personal success is intertwined with the success of the company.” Profound, right?
As an HR professional, I meet people across the spectrum, some with sharp clarity and grounded expectations, and others… not so much.
What’s concerning is the growing trend of entitlement without impact.
People expecting frequent promotions or big hikes simply because they: • Have put in “enough” time • Took on stretch assignments • Are “committed” • Have stayed loyal, even in struggling companies
I’ve seen this across roles, even in enabling functions like HR and Finance, where the rules applied to others don’t seem to apply to oneself for many.
Here’s the hard truth: Promotions aren’t rewards for effort alone. They’re outcomes of demonstrated business impact.
Before asking why not me?, ask: • How did I impact revenue, margins, culture, or innovation? • What did I do to create tangible value for customers or shareholders? • If I left today, what legacy or measurable change would I leave behind?
In India’s high-pressure work culture, the survival mindset often pushes people to chase titles instead of growth. But here’s the thing, you can only “job-hop” your way forward for so long. Eventually, the industry sees the pattern. Impact (or lack of it) shows.
If you’re upset over a missed promotion, pause. Ask yourself: • Do I truly understand my organization’s goals? • Have I mapped my career aspirations to business needs? • Do I have a development plan for the next 12 months?
If not, that’s your starting point. Not sulking. Not quitting (at least not without clarity). Not waiting for someone else to solve it.
Growth is earned. Ownership is yours. Build the kind of career and reputation that makes others proud to have worked with you
Not too long ago, there was an unusual post on my mostly professional LinkedIn feed. It was a man’s video about his 17-year-old daughter who was suicidal because someone had circulated inappropriate pictures and videos of her on social media platforms. He had made the video as an open ask to anyone who worked in the social media companies to help him take down the racy pictures and videos and kept asserting that the videos and pictures were fake. Some good Samaritan took notice and within few days the posts were taken down, he mentioned in a new video. I hope life went back to normal eventually, I do suspect that those effected, especially the girl will carry trauma and scars to show for a while though. Why did he have to plead the ‘innocence’ of the girl though, it made me wonder? As a society why is it important for us that a girl (or boy) is not seen publicly in a certain way in order to have permission to live respectfully? Even if their personal or intimate side is being shared without their consent? What are these stupid rules that we have invented on the way of becoming an evolved society?
There is an increase in deepfakes; the necessary evil accompanies the new age tech defined by artificial intelligence and its growing impact. We’ve seen a lot of movie stars, women and celebrities vehemently justifying on news over past few months that a certain video or photo of them is fake. What made it important for them to invest their energies in so fervently denying that it in fact wasn’t them in the said clip, than focusing on their work and life? What does that say about us a society? The recent announcement of Sora which can make videos on commands and the samples they have shared are a great example of how AI can be misused by those evil.
I remember back in 90s small town India, one would see vulgar sketches of women in offices and girls in schools specially in public areas like washrooms along with rude comments. I vaguely remember a scandal from my small town where the scorned boyfriend of a respectable girl circulated her naked pictures and she hanged herself. Porn has brought its own pandora’s box with it to denigrate women. How many of you, especially women, have secretly not wondered that a clip of yours trying clothes in a changing room or bathing in a hotel or any other discreet activity maybe available on some random porn site that you aren’t even aware of? How many of you feel scared that once something like that is found, even if you haven’t done anything wrong, your life and family will get impacted in a major way and your social life will be destroyed? Wondered if you’d feel like ending your life if something like this happens?
Technology, modes and levels of threats have become more twisted but the basic nature of toxic side of patriarchy where the last resort to fight back a strong and powerful feminine force is to shame, denigrate and defile her remains constant. Parents of girl kids of all ages even today worry about dangers looming around them; how delicate the girl’s ‘honor’ is and how her standing changes with one tiny leak of an intimate moment, an indiscretion. God forbid, if a respectable woman is seen by others naked or kissing or in the act of copulation – her whole character is assassinated for life. How on the contrary, senior Male politicians of current opposing national party were found in intimate acts in videos that went viral and those gentlemen are still relevant, worshipped, rich and powerful – very much the political figures in parliament. How a certain president of a powerful country was found exploiting an intern still smiles shamelessly remaining a man of power while the woman is to date judged for being the culprit. It is because this difference in how we judge women so much more than men, that the father of the teenage girl was left overtly justifying that the videos are deepfakes. In a better world, it wouldn’t have mattered for the girl that her unintended videos were uploaded, and the perpetrator would have been identified and punished along with those who participated in the circulation. With AI now this issue will become even bigger. Any scorned guy or girl who is pissed at another can create a vulgar deepfake and make it viral. What is the solution then? Keep trying to prove that a video or photo is genuine or not? Lock women int homes? Ask women to be super cautious and on guard?
Here is another way to look at it. What if we as a society stopped judging women on any explicit photos or videos or any other artefacts of them? That our opinion of them didn’t change a bit based on that information? Picture this – you see a colleague, friends, family member or acquaintance in a link that shows them in a sexual way meant to harm their reputation and it didn’t matter to you. You didn’t want to know whether the video or audio or photo is real or fake. It’s the one circulating it who’s punished, than the woman herself. She can still be your daughter in law, wife, boss, colleague, sister, sister-in-law or whatever it is that defines your relationship with her. Let us take the power away from the very act of baring a woman’s body, associating her honor with her sexual conduct – real or perceived. What if like men, we associated women’s honor with what kinds of humans they are? How they contribute to the society in the working or homemaker roles they are in? What their talents and hobbies are? With the way deepfakes amongst other AI features loom large – it is common sense, humanity, courage and a shift in perspective for good that will make us a better society. We don’t need to be spending our time identifying real from fake for this issue- we need to be changing our thinking on what defines goodness or badness; someone’s acceptance and respect, dignity and honor.
What if we killed the mal intention itself than judging someone who is a victim of having their privacy breached and misused?
There is a short movie called ‘sleeping partner’ that features Divya Dutta in an OTT short story series called ZindagiinShorts. Do watch it for how she coolly and powerfully responds to a scorned lover threatening to make their intimate videos viral. It’s like watching the Goddess at her work! THAT is the fearlessness we need to enable in our girls. We need to ensure the environment in our houses makes them fearless, powerful, and not anxious about someone trying to show them as immodest. Modesty is not something to be proven. It also isn’t without power. We need Madonnas and Devis in our daughters, mothers, sisters and women who cannot be broken by stone pelting evil minds so easily. They need to accepted in various divine feminine forms that celebrate thier femininity rather than shaming it.
As I write this blog, an AI icon hovers on my screen asking me to help write as if I the obsessive thinker and possessive writer will let AI write for me(!); AI is everywhere! Compassion and empathy and goodness in our toolkit is what will help us survive the madness. If the feminine is denigrated, we will dive the depths of darkness very soon as a society. Let’s kill the need to verify if an artefact meant to put a woman in corner is real or deepfake. let’s measure people on their humanness than trivialize them on a scale of sexual morality which by the way keeps changing every 100 years in human history.
Our girls need to be able to breathe. They need to be able to be validated for their talents than their looks. They need to feel empowered without worrying about what is available online about them to ogle. Let’s kill the power, enigma, titillation and scandal around explicit imagery used without the consent of a person and orient our kids towards what makes them better human beings, one step at a time. And this change begins from our own homes. What do you think? Can you do that?
It’s been a few months since (Jun 2023) the Titan submersible operated by the American expedition firm ‘Oceangate’ imploded while on an expedition to the Titanic wreck in North Atlantic Ocean off the Canadian coast killing all five of it’s passengers – a British paid explorer, an Asian British paid explorer along with his 19 year old son, a French technical expert and the CEO of Oceangate. It’s notable that each of the three tourists would have paid a hefty $250,000 for their seats for the experience so it was a big ticket business indeed.
Since the discovery of the titanic wreckage which got insanely elevated after the Cameron movie in the 90s, there has been deep interest from experts and noobs alike in going to the titanic wreckage site as a bucket list activity. The fact that it lies 3810 m below sea level is not a deterrent but seems to egg on enthusiasts more, just the way a climb to Mt Everest does at 8848 m above sea level in the death zone. Clearly a heady mix of money, social media’s impact and lack of meaningful life goals leads those who haven’t spent a hot minute training to brave the elements, want to go to depth of oceans or peaks of the world. Or on the other side you could define the marvel that human curiosity and courage is through such pursuits. Guess this one is a write up of the paradoxes!
The CEO of OceanGate Stockton Rush was notorious for flouting regulatory requirements when he could as he believed and has publically stated them to be a hindrance to innovation. He’s quoted in a 2022 interview calling ‘safety, a pure waste’ at one point. You can google away his passion for innovation and notably his belief that safety is a ‘hinderance’ to innovation.
So I come to my questions, 1) At what stage does does the desire to innovate and do something different become so intense that human life, basic safety sense and common sense leave the building 2) Do we as a society celebrate the wins without proportionately weighing the ‘how’ of those wins? Do results overweigh the values which were at work to achieve them? 3) Where does the buck stop with risks? When do we know in our life and work that a line has been crossed with risk which puts not ourselves but others’ life, livelihood, health or other fundamentals on the edge without them knowing about it? 4)Is there a proportionality between the cause for which the risk is being taken, and the size of the risk?
For instance, soldiers risk their lives knowingly to protect the life of civillians, firefighters, cops and such also do for a noble cause. But there is little merit in putting people through same level of life risk for a toy making company testing path breaking innovative AI based toys.
There are those who speak about Rush’s passion for innovation and mention that titan would have been celebrated along with his risk taking capability had things not gone fatefully wrong. But that combined with the history of his attitude towards safety show that enough education to ALL his customers and general public wasn’t given about safety risks and facts were moulded. Otherwise the 19 year old who solely took the trip to please his father, terrified as he was, didn’t have to die.
There is a big yet simple lesson for us all as leaders, employees, entrepreneurs, humans et al from this tragedy. It is not to not take risk. But weigh the cost of the risk on our stakeholders and be clear about it to them. And then when they come onboard it makes sense. Integrity and passion when put together on a scale – passion will always be outweighed by integrity. Those who put their lives, savings, loved ones, health or anything crucial on line for you as they play beside you need to be educated about what they are putting on line and be ok with it. When that happens – it’s true Leadership and Camaraderie at play. When you have to hide what people are having to bet to go along a risky journey with you that can be labelled many different vices, none of them deserve to have the word innovation, leadership or vision around them. It can be Machiavellian to get people onboard on a risky project or vision without telling them about the risk but then you don’t deserve the credit of the win as much as you totally are responsible for messing up for yourself and them.
There is also courage and honesty in sacrificing the innovation so as to not cross the line of life at risk or anything that your conscience or value system doesnt allow you to hedge away. If that wasn’t true, animal testing of cosmetics would still be normalised and not a topic of debate. Corporate integrity maybe a touchy topic but personal integrity is never one.
What’s your views on this topic? Did this tragedy evoke any thoughts or insights in your mind? Did you take any lessons and reflections from it back in your life? Do share with me, I’d love to chat on this further.
People who know me well, know I am passionate about promoting knowledge and awareness of the rich handloom heritage of India. People who know me for long know that I have not been interested in clothes or textiles beyond looking at them as necessity for the larger part of my life – handloom love is a new found love. My better half on the other hand, is a bit of an authority on sartorial elegance. He has an eye for fabrics, a sharp eye for requisite distance between buttons of a shirt and even finer nuances. So I have dragged myself along with him on his quests to find the perfect garment or accessory for him, me and our loved ones for years now.
Dressing elegantly, modestly and simply has been my style mantra. Sarees have always held a special place in my heart and wardrobe. Chikankari of lucknow thus has been a constant in the wardrobe and so have the sarees from Nalli, Fabindia, Mrignayani or even the much more easy on pocket florals from GardenVarelli mills.
On one of the customary trips few years back to a craft fair, as I was shopping for my only brother’s upcoming wedding and looking for a special saree. Or Two. 😉
Rishi has the art of making conversation with everyone and as we got talking to the Banarasi weaver who had come to the fair, it was hours for which we kept sitting at the shop listening to the nuances of kaduwa and fekua styles of weaving and the beauty and uniqueness of Janglas and Shikargahs and Tilfis and Tanchois.. it was just awe inspiring that one city of India has numerous styles of weaving and patterns and all I knew was that a shining silk saree is called a Banarasi saree. I couldn’t even differentiate between a Kanjivaram and Banrasi back then if someone had asked me to. I didn’t know that the same saree that is woven on a loom in hours, days, weeks, months and sometimes years is cheaply imitated in a mill where thousands of imitations can be belted out in a matter of minutes. Anyway, we bought few beautiful handloom sarees and came back.
I kept looking at my saree shopping from Nalli and the Banarasi weaver from the craft fair that day and replaying the conversation in my head repeatedly. I could explain to a cousin that day the difference between the kanjivaram and Banarasi saree that I got that day. Fascinated by the special garment and the story behind it, my research oriented self went on internet to search for handloom fabrics and sarees and how they are made. Little did I know that it was a rabbit hole, so deep that I will be immersed in it for years. With hundreds of weaves, thousands of craft kinds Indian textile history is rich and changes to bring a new variation every ten miles, figuratively speaking, just like the dialects of India.
The meticulous and eco friendly processes used to weave, embroider, paint, stitch the sarees are fascinating to say the least. I found out about the muslins made in India that were so thin that you could fold a six yard saree and keep it in a matchbox. The thin as air garments that were sold for their weight in gold and played a huge part in India’s rich past of prosperity. Equally horrid are the tales of deliberate destruction of the same crafts with the advent of Industrial revolution, the mills of Europe and promotion of power mill made cloth in India.
There are some blessed souls who have dedicated their lives for the revival of these handicrafts and for promoting the saree. I am merely a student of the subject right now who is trying to understand about Handlooms and Handspun fabric and trying to buy more eco friendly clothing consciously, when I need to.
I truly feel it is a shame for us to not know about our rich textile history and it should be taught in school curriculum not just in fashion but from a point of view of economics, politics, art and science as well.
India ran with 20% GDP of the entire world 3-4 centuries back, a big credit of which goes to it’s textile prowess which was sytemically killed by colonisers to make us poor, needy, supliers of raw material for it to churn finished good in new found mills durin industrial revolution of the west and sold back to us while our ancestors died of famines and poverty.
The handloom produced cloth not only has a rich heritage with hundreds of art forms of weaving, embroidery and such but also is eco friendly with virtually zero negative impact on environment while fast fashion remains to be the second biggest pollutant of earth.
Slow fashion needs to be brought back in trend and made cool again. The breathable natural fabrics need to replace hoardes of cheap rayon that stuff Indian wardrobes and do nothing for the appearance of individual or the environment. I’d certainly recommend one and all to learn more about the handloom heritage of our world and invest in handloom clothing in their own small way. You’ll not only be promoting true artisans, autonomy and small businesses, but will also be contributing to creating a greener planet while ensuring you look classy!
It’s Saturday night, half past eleven. I am wrapping up the day finally in some moments of solitude as I shut the locks, lights, fill up water, clean the pantry et al. My mind and I are in a subconscious performance discussion. As I scan and clean my son’s room I am thinking of how we haven’t spent quality time whole week, what with long workdays, and even on Saturday I was out completing chores. He deserves more of my time and attention with studies and play than what I have given him this week. Specially, since he is been doing online school for 15 months now.. I shut his room, make a mental note for next week in the parent’s tab of my brain, I reach my office to scan some weekend emails and shut the laptop. I am now thinking about how I said no to a couple of meeting requests from colleagues in UK/US who wanted to speak at 7/9 PM my time during a couple of weekdays as I was in the kitchen and how I could have done more work, paid more attention, finished two more meetings this week. I could have been a more productive employee if I gave more time to work. I listen to my own chastising and slightly irritated now, shut the office and see my husband repairing something in one room and my mom watching her favorite TV show in another. I am filled with guilt thinking I need to do more to help my husband around the house and spent more time with ma – she is lonely away from her town, almost homebound at my house for covid safety reasons. She is getting older and she needs my company to counter loneliness. I also think by the way of two relatives, five friends and few acquaintances who I have been wanting to call for days now but haven’t been able to. The kitchen looks like it needs additional attention, it makes me feel like a lousy woman. Overwhelmed now by my own bashing, anxious and troubled, I rush up to sleep, remove my fitness tracker to put it on charge and chide myself with another glare about the walk and exercise I have missed for three days this week because of how hot it has been and also how my grey hair need a recolour that’s been overdue.
Suddenly an epiphany (sort of) strikes, my mind is numb and I sit down on my bed a little shocked. For the past 30 minutes after a long day of chores, I have given a mental assessment to myself about how I have not done enough as a mom, daughter, wife, employee, homemaker and a person. This is my self talk. Am I telling myself I didn’t do enough because I secretly feel I am not enough? And this is when I have a partner, who never stops gushing about how much I try to do in my life, appreciates me, and encourages me constantly. I have cheerleaders in my life and yet in a vulnerable moment my first instinct is to shoot myself for all that I have not picked up. Suddenly all the women’s magazine articles talking about perfect women, Instagram and Pinterest pages, TV shows all come together and I realise the subconscious utopian standards to be perfect at everything I have built for myself, that I am bashing myself for. Do stakeholders in each of these areas also find me as imperfect or sucky as I am telling myself to be? And even if they do, does it matter at the cost of happiness, health and peace?
Working mothers in a culture like ours are not celebrated enough for the multitasking they need to do. The moment we start talking about it, it needs to be appropriated and balanced with talks about contribution of fathers and grandmothers and homemaker parents for political correctness. But if we just pick up the topic of working mothers at once, as someone has famously said, they are expected to be mothers like they have no job, they are expected to work for office like they haven’t got children. In lockdown, my son’s school has made no mention challenges of working mothers, neither have attempted to shape the curriculum in a way that helps mums who can’t sit with their children while office goes on during school time. And this is an international school. This is a school that assessed whether I am an educated and employed mother while interviewing for admission. By default they do address any communication to mothers because for 100% of my son’s class it is the mothers who are primarily responsible for children’s studies – working at office or home. Despite knowing that children’s education is primarily a mother’s job by default generally, most schools haven’t considered the flexibility or breathing space working mothers need with children’s education during the pandemic.
There are expectations from everywhere and defined standards of perfection. The bar keeps going higher and higher every time. And we don’t make this constant hustling any easier on ourselves. Rewards make us feel guilty, neither do we coach our minds to first pat ourselves on the back for how much we have achieved. Healthy and happy kids at home, safe family, being a friend to our partner, happy team at work – all were achieved this week but all that my mind once let loose, focused on was the have nots. What we women do to ourselves is self criticise, not self forgive. There is a manager and an employee in my head and this self assessment and criticism for not doing enough is a constant battle. There is an immense amount of effort needed to become self forgiving. To become accepting of not being perfect in each area is an art I do believe. As a coach, I am quite sure that some coach somewhere has figured out a mantra to do that and it just needs to be found out.
For now what I am going to do is balance out wanting to make everything perfect and being grateful with also being self loving and appreciating. Every time, I bash myself for what isn’t done, I will consciously thank myself for what IS done. I will thank the woman, mother, wife, daughter, leader, employee, sister, friend et al for remembering to be who they are and putting in all the effort that they could. I will forgive myself for my shortcomings of the week and clink glasses with the mirror for a little TLC. Yes there are people in my life who love and value my contribution, but firstly, I need to do that myself. In thirty years from now, if I am alive, it wouldn’t matter what I did on day to day and what I couldn’t – I need to keep that in mind.
We need to normalise life in all its reality as being what it is. Move away from the Instagram version of reality and aims of perfection and embrace today, warts and all. This perennial guilt that comes as an occupational hazard of the roles multitasking women play, we need to keep it in check and balance it with self appreciation and self acceptance.
I hope when I am repeating this process next weekend, I’ll be kind to myself. And remember that I do enough. I am enough. I cannot control everything because I am not God, but I can fill the spaces left incomplete at home and at work with love, compassion and kindness. Every time I find myself beat down by anyone for not doing enough, I hope to find my cape of achievements lying around the house – my happy and healthy child and partner, my safe and warm home, my mom and rest of family, my work achievements and happy team, my friends, my pet projects, books, music, dreams of travel and fly high to tune out the noise of negativity. Because I am enough and this imperfect world of mine is perfect for me right now and will do just fine. 🙂
When we announced right at mid march that employees in our workplace are recommended to work from home looking at covid outbreak starting in India, it didn’t feel real or long term. Like with any change, there was a denial of the changing world and situation and we took time to come to terms with what is the ‘new normal’. Now more than two months later, even if lockdown opens tomorrow and government doesn’t extend it, how willing would you be to go on and about your normal life is an aware and educated person, wherever you are in the world? Like for a lot of us, a big part of denial for me also meant, I cancelled my upcoming holiday for April immediately and like with everyone else, had it in the back of my head to ‘save’ my holidays for later, just because I am working from home. The reality of how intense work is when you are stuck at home and the effort you need to put in to connect with others and make yourself understood hadn’t hit me yet! And because everyone else is working from home, practically tied to their devices with emails, the email loops are neverending – its like playing catch with your colleagues – but virtually from respective homes. Add to that the chores with no helpers around and educating children and keeping them busy as a primary carer and you have a perfect case of third degree, day after day.
As the covid infection situation still keeps getting worse, I was at my breaking point few days back and was having an inner fight of dragging myself from weekend to weekend and pushing the idea of a ‘leave’ at the back of my head. And what were weekends, but a time to catch up on weekly chores and spend time with the family – all very short and over in a breath. Not long or restful enough, for me anyway to be back fresh and ready on a Monday.
And thats when I humbled myself and seriously considered planning that pending holiday and exploring what a holiday stuck at home would look like in lockdown? Will it be a good idea or an utter waste of my accrued paid leave, that I might actually need if the worst happened and I caught the bug? But mental health is important too, and for that reason I started planning what my lockdown holiday might look like
My Ground Rules
I had set few rules in the beginning based on which I planned a relatively shorter break of four days:
There will be a tech detox in these days. No office mails or messenger will be on or checked out of temptation. There will be no browsing of social media, news, netflix et al or digital video content consumption of any kind
I started prepping my family to understand that a day off on a working day didnt mean, I owe this time to other chores. Other than helping my 5 years old with his tech setup for online class and homework completion, I didn’t assume additional work that wouldnt have been fun. Thankfully my helper was back, who take care of basic cooking and cleaning.Even chores that I picked were what my mind directed me to do – cleaning the closet, rearranging my room etc.
I will try to be quiet, listen to my mind and body and act accordingly. If my body or mind asked for sleep, I’ll give as much as needed with no guilt. I ate mindfully – cooked, baked and wrote a lot more. Listened to my favorite soothing music, walked in the garden and read a simple happy book. And I did end up sleeping an awful lot, surprisingly
By the end of the holiday, my mind and body felt strangely calmer. I was surprised at how much turmoil and tiredness I had without realising, and it felt cathartic to give myself that break. It was like being in calm waters after weathering a storm.
What I can tell you was that as someone who was having trouble getting up for days together well past the 9 AM mark, I could wake up refreshed early on, ready to take on the days ahead. I’d again stopped getting irritated and annoyed at my child, family and colleagues and could bring more warmth, comfort, understanding and empathy back in my communication. It refreshed me to deal with the days ahead with positivty for a while now. Until the next lockdown holiday I believe.
I can now share with you, that a working day during lockdown and a holiday during a workday/week are two extremely different experiences in the same surrondings, provided the holiday is planned well. One just needs to acknowledge the holiday, and give the attention and care to planning as you would to a holiday where you’d spent money on hotel bookings and travel tickets. Yes, everyone’s surroundings will be different and so would what holiday means to them. But the trick is in opening your mind to what you like to do unwind and chill and create that reality in your current circumstances. For some it may very well mean a movie marathon or warm baths, others might just like wine and cheese, for some it may mean putting headphones on to escape the crowded reality they live in, while for some it may very well mean video calls with family and friends and so on to counter their lonely existence from the past few months. But the three tips I can give you for a successful lockdown holiday is – unplug from what is disturbing and gives you anxiety (news and social media and work, most importantly), spend some calm time just with yourself, and pamper your body and mind with sleep and healthy food.
A lockdown holiday is not just possible, it can soothe you from the pressures that you yourself arent aware, you are dealing with. Good emotional and mental health leads to a good quality of life holistically as well. Do share your own experiences of having taken leaves during lockdown and whether it was a good idea. I’d love to know.
They say every crisis within it carries gifts, if only you look for them. Right when Corona was beginning to dig its fangs in India, I met Aneesha, the Co-founder of Language Curry, a platform for learning Indian languages. It was my gift in Corona times to have met Aneesha and see her drive and capability towards her business. We clicked immediately and I found her to be inspirational, determined, passionate about her platform and app, and in true entrepreneurial fashion dedicated to it 24 by 7. As I got to know her more and developed familiarity and acquaintance leading up to a new friendship, I got to know more about her story -How she was born and brought up in Gujarat and Canada, how her roots called her back to India and how her life in Canada inspired her to start language curry.
I admired few things immediately about her story – that she did challenge and voice out the bias that women entrepreneurs face because of their gender with investors and public.
And that she has the courage to dream, to turn it into reality in a still heavily patriarchal society of India.
And that, from India she is playing a huge part in promoting Indian languages around the world and helping people connect with our country.
If these initiatives and projects don’t deserve support, funding and even government recognition, then I don’t know what does. Such initiatives are such a support to our ‘make in India’ vision, travel sector and others too. The apps are available on android playstore and iOS with good reviews!
Here is a small chat with Aneesha that is sure to inspire you about her dream and pet project Langauage Curry and give you some meaningful insight on the world of entrepreneurship and helpful advice related to it!
Tell us about language curry? How, when and why did you start it?
Language Curry is an app to learn Indian languages and connect to India’s rich culture.
I moved to Canada when I was 17 and lived there for almost 10 years, my parents were very strict about not forgetting our roots, speaking in Hindi at home and not faking an accent. Also during my time in Canada I experienced the need amongst NRI’s to connect with India and the culture. And the starting point to a culture is usually Language. So I believe my personal experiences coupled with the parenting and the innate patriot in me, left me wanting to solve this problem.
Is there an appetite for Indian languages in the west? Why?
Yes for sure, although my inspiration came from NRI’s . We soon realized there are so many reasons why other segments also want to learn Indian languages. Few top ones are: being married to or dating Indians, because 1 in 6 people in the world is an Indian ! Expats who work in India or work with Indians and tourists who want to experience India in a richer way.
Sanskrit unfortunately is no longer a language of conversations. What is driving people to learn Sanskrit and/or teach it?
Launching Sanskrit was purely an instinctive feeling after seeing how Yoga has taken over the world. I always said to my co-founders that Sanskrit would be the next yoga! We have seen an immense take rate amongst Indians to reconnect with Sanskrit to better understand the scriptures. Sanskrit opens doors to so much in our culture – Ayurveda, Vedas, Upanishads, Gita even various scientific and historic scriptures. Internationally as well, Sanskrit is being considered the most scientific and grammatically correct language. We want to bust the myth that Sanskrit is only the Language of Gods, its much more than that and unless we accept it as a conversational language it wouldn’t be learnt and retained in an effective manner.
What is the future of Sanskrit and Indian languages?
India is global point of interest now. The world is looking to us not only as an economic opportunity but also as a soft power. Indians themselves are rising above the colonial complexes and taking pride in their culture. Although English would be the one language that would connect the globe, Hindi, Sanskrit and regional Indian languages would only strengthen the connect within India and for all those who want to connect with Indians.
As a woman entrepreneur what unique advantages and challenges have you faced?
Although qualities for an entrepreneur are pretty gender neutral. But as women especially mothers the abilities of multi tasking and patience really help! Women are great at taking calculated risks, managing teams, dreaming big and being realistic at the same time.
One of the big challenge or bias I faced was of building a company while raising my child. If a father works from home on his start up no one questions his commitment level but for some reason if women work from home there is a bias that she is not giving enough hours to work. When in actuality when you are committed to your dream, trust me , man or woman both will give in more than expected with respect to time and money.
Is there an appetite for Indian languages in India?
Yes for sure. Even we were taken for surprise when we saw the kind of response we got from south Indians wanting to learning Hindi, in fact more than 80% of our Hindi users are south Indians learning for better networking, relationships or even Bollywood!
Similarly Urban Migration and inter region marriages is big factor for someone to learn the local language. Many argue that English works but its so much more fun if you can speak the local language, truly appreciate the culture and gain respect from locals for the effort.
What advice do you have for women wanting to venture in entrepreneurship?
Go for it if you are passionate about an idea and there is something beyond financial gratification that drives you. My advice would be to first build a team who believes in the idea as much if not more. I truly believe for a stable start you need a rock solid team. Secondly, never shy away from asking for help from family, friends, customers, colleagues etc. Many wont help, but the few who will would really be your pillars in good and bad times.
India has witnessed deaths of two much loved and eminent celebrities in the last two days – Irrfan Khan, on April 29th, 2020 and Rishi Kapoor on April 30th. And it is affecting people emotionally – normal, celebrities, influencers all alike.
In these days of Covid19, when all are locked down with nowhere to go, nothing to do, no one to meet – screens take precedence – work laptops, mobile, tablets, TVs et al. Even minor news items are hard to ignore and become hot topics for discussion to fulfil our innate need to socialise, express ourselves and converse with other human beings. Our screens are filled with news items as well as personal sentiments about current situations – such shocking deaths are all, one talks about, reads and hears about. So there is no escaping getting affected by these deaths.
There was a very interesting HBR article that I read on anticipated grief recently – you can read it here (https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief). The storm of emotions inside us all these days, combined with focused news about death and permanent loss of larger than life figures brings about a heightened sense of grief. Simply put, we see the news of them dying, we go to social media to express that sadness or shock on our FB,twitter,insta which is already filled with our people expressing their distress. So there is no escape or outlet in real from the starkness of the reality of these deaths and what it does to our already subconsciously fearful minds. It reminds us of our own impermanence, our own imminent ends and those of our loved ones. 🙂
The biggest mystery, that what happens to us after death, keeps us uncomfortable about facing news and trivia of death all our lives. Death is equal parts mysterious, scary and fascinating. The fear of letting go of all that we have collected, earned, loved all our lives with that one moment taking it all away, keeps us scared. The fear of death and afterlife is what world’s religions and principles of morality are based on. What our belief systems are based on. Our whole life is a series of pre arranged activities meant to survive and avoid death -in humans, these activities have become such refined rituals, that we don’t see their morbidity unabashed on a day to day basis. Death and dying in our carefully constructed society have rituals build around them in a way, that it helps us forget and move on quickly and look forward to next day – get absorbed in the daily. This is done so we remain sane and emotionally healthy – but with that our priorities get diluted as well and we become absorbed in non important things of life.
Now, none of us reading this will escape death. Death is the biggest truth of all our lives- the only one certainly that we were born with – that WE. WILL. DIE. someday..
With this perspective in mind, either we can learn or continue letting ourselves feel unsettled. Keep feeling shocked over why did they both die, die so young – without facing the truth that we will die too and so will those around us – no one knows when, but we all will. So knowing this – what would you do next – grieve, avoid or learn? Here are few questions to you in light of these recent deaths, that I suggest you ask yourselves and literally write the answers somewhere:
Knowing that death is imminent and literally any moment away, how will you prioritise your life in large and small moments, thus?
Will you still want to keep blaming others for your unhappiness, or take the mantle of creating happiness on your own?
What regrets do you not want to die with? What unsaid words do you want to say – apologies, confessions, rants, complaints and get over with them?
Who do you want to forgive, ask forgiveness from, tell them you love them and that they are important to you?
Are you wishing your life away everyday by dragging yourself through work, life and responsibilities – living from weekend to weekend, wasting a huge chunk of your life in weekdays or choosing and accepting what you do and embracing it?
Are you living by others’ rulebook for their validation or approval or making courageous decisions and standing by them?
How would you like to remembered? Are you working towards it?
Are you prioritising a bully boss, a fake friend, a criticising relative, a narcissistic partner or anyone who generally doesnt care whether you live or die so much that you’ve forgotten that it doesnt matter to them if you die tomorrow? That you are the easiest replacement in their life?
Are you working on what you truly want, your bucket list?
Does everyone that you love, know enough that you love them?
Are you being a good person, a kind soul and leaving the world a better place than you found it? Or are you behaving in a way that people will be relived to see you dead?
Are you enjoying each moment, being grateful for all that you’ve been blessed with and cutting your losses every day?
In summary, are you living life in a way that truly matters to you, or living by someone else’s standards?
Life is too short for regrets. There is a lot to enjoy and be grateful for. There is a lot to endure too. If today you feel a little uncomfortable and freaked out and morbid about these deaths, don’t let that feeling overpower you. But also don’t let that feeling die. Or try to bury it at the back of your head. A constant realisation of our mortality, of the non-permanence of it all keeps priorities in check. Keeps us honest about what is truly important and motivates us to stay authentic.
Life is going to end one day. For you. And for me. And maybe it is a good thing. Because it is only when we step into the unknown, that new beginnings take shape…
There is grim news related to financial situation in the world every time I open google news, new channels on TV or on social media. We know that it will become even worse as billions remain in lockdown. There is a legitimate fear of survival that people are generally going through.
Chances are, your investments have seen a devaluation, if you are a business owner, your work is stalled/slow and you have started to dip in your savings. If you have a job, you are worried about lack of growth, more work stress, paycuts and job loss. If you have loans and liabilities, vulnerable family members without medical insurance – all these things are causing stress and anxiety. I am also afraid that we will see increasing emotional distress and possibly suicides related to money, hunger related deaths, malnourishment et al in time to come.
In times like these, India is a vulnerable country with a huge population and lot of poverty. While this year we will see a retraction in growth in decades, projections for next year are better as compared to other economies. However this growth will not happen automatically – it warrants all of us to collectively act towards it. We are all worried about what will personally happen to us. But the solution to financial strength is a whole community taking steps that will save the individuals. Very much the way lockdown worked. All are shut to ensure individuals are safe and well.
A lot of countries are are already encouraging their citizens to take prudent steps to ensure their country prospers but we Indians do not have a huge sense of supporting local or swadeshi. Our inner need to get things cheap is so high that collectively we buy Chinese goods, hail imported stuff and thus hurt our own GDP and thus earning capacity in return. I am no financial or economics expert but I do remember the story of a village that was in draught. On a shaman’s advice the king said to his subjects that if all citizens put a pot of milk in the local pond as offering to God, God will be pleased and it will rain. The citizens were selfish and petty and all of them thought, since everyone else is going to put milk in the pond, why don’t I just put a pot of water to save money. No one will notice and it wouldn’t matter. In the morning, the pond was full of water and barely any milk since everyone cheated. There were no rains either. This is a great analogy on us Indians. How we want to behave exceptionally individually with an expectation that others will make up for us. And thus we end up losing the game. Perhaps, this one time we need to do few things individually and not cheat, so that this can lead to a stronger economy and thus a better chance of survival and growth. Here are few things I suggest we all do once lockdown ends for at least a year to strengthen the economy, create jobs and bring money to the country
Retain habits of prudence – This lockdown is making sure that we do not eat out often, shop for junk a bit less and do not spend unnecessarily. Perhaps retaining one good financial habit of not wasting money will go a long way in ensuring that the hard earned money is there when we need it
Buy Local – Farming and weaving is the work done most in the country. For a year, lets not go back to the fast fashion of foreign chains and try and support handlooms, local artists and artisans, local food chains and local food in our pantries. Let’s check for the made in India label and buy India made products for home and otherwise. There was great logic in ‘khadi’ and ‘swadeshi’ movement from the independence era – it strengthens economy and takes poverty away for ALL. If we don’t practice this even now, there isn’t much hope for us as people.
Travel Local – On holidays, lets go to local destinations -support hotels, tourist based businesses etc for India. Luckily we area big country with a spectrum of travel options. If people from smaller countries of Europe can decide to travel local to support local economy, why cant we Indians?
Invest Local – Direct your investment towards manufacturing sector in India, agriculture, core businesses and up and coming projects. The more we inject in our economy collectively, the better results it will give us individually
Learn something new – A lot of institutes right now are offering free programs. Enrol for something that can be a skill for you. May be learn a core life skill like farming or carpentry or weaving. Transform yourself so your skills are valuable in the new world and can help your get business or job opportunities. Upskilling is always useful
When you read these asks, do not think about whether someone else will do it or not. Dont worry that ‘What if I am the only one and it still doesnt do anything for the Indian economy?’ If a handful of us do this, it will create an impact, if more people join even better. And none of these things will have you losing out on any part of your life. Let’s start thinking smart if we want a better future for our children and to see India turn around to be world’s global superpower like Japan became post WWII.
What are your tips and tricks for strengthening individual financial safety post corona? Ensuring survival?
There was a manual. No, really. Maybe not ONE printed and published manual available for sale on Amazon, and in bookshops. But a loose verbal manual of what an ‘educated, empowered, privileged, money-earning’ woman is supposed to do and be. The archetype of a good daughter, sister, wife, mother, woman, in law, friend, employee, employer, manager, citizen, mentor, founder, homemaker etc etc.
No one spoke about how life for the superwoman is a balancing game. That she would feel the guilt of not performing in one area more than the joy of superachieveing in other areas of life. That burnout is bound to happen when the candle burns at both ends. When in trying to ‘BE’ all that she must be, there will be a moment when she’d be emptionally numb, confused about what she ‘needs’.
The midlife burnout, hormone shuffles, shifting perspectives and the spectrum that goes from regret and resentment to gratitude and achievement and how the self oscillates on it like it is a damn Rollercoaster is R.E.A.L.!
This post does not have answers or solutions to the numbness that middle age brings to the overworked women in the race of perfection. This is a call out to those who’ve been through it, are experiencing it right now or are inching to it. To tell you, that you are not hallucinating, not going crazy, that your problems aren’t imagined.
The disillusionment, the disconnect, the soul searching that you are experiencing right now – you are not alone in this. There is a generation of super achiever millennial women who feel slightly exhausted with everything around them and question how far they need to run. Worry whether they will be out of breath before they reach that imaginary finish line. And as the quiet realisation happens – there isn’t a finish line! Noone to hand water or towel at the end of this marathon and so in fear of finding ourselves alone when we pause, we keep running.
Maybe it’s time to slow down girls, pause even, for a while. Practice some self care at the cost of what seems non negotiable. Nothing is in reality. If this post makes even slight sense to you, you need to prioritise yourself over literally anything on the daily for a while. Guess what? it’s time.
Leadership is not just about intentions; it’s about tangible empathy and understanding. I’ve witnessed senior professionals with sizable teams fall short in showing kindness and empathy because they believed good intentions were sufficient. However, assuming that everyone interprets “tough love” the same way, especially during challenging times, can lead to disconnect.
It’s crucial to reach out, especially in tough situations like supporting an employee with a terminal illness, comforting a grieving family, or acknowledging colleagues in high-stress environments. Introversion or shyness should never hinder a leader from expressing empathy. True leadership demands stepping out of your comfort zone to serve those in need.
Unhappy girl sitting in depression and hand helping her flat vector illustration. Cartoon sad woman embracing knees in melancholy and waiting for support. Stress and psychology concept
If your focus is solely on profit and neglecting the human connections within your organization, you’re missing the mark. Building relationships should be a top priority for any business centered around people. Empathy fosters an environment where individuals can thrive, leading to sustainable, collective success.
Dr Srishti is a noted Dentist and Human who has contributed before as well. Here is her latest – worth a read!
It is difficult to put words these days without an AI guide telling you ‘did you mean—? Other words for this are —, I can help you write it in 10 words’. Even while writing this sentence I had the urge to search for better words so that I would sound really smart to people who would read this piece. This makes me wonder if anyone’s words are their own now? Or its just AI using its brain and we using our hands like a puppet to type those words that came in a robot’s ‘mind’ while we get the false satisfaction of giving ‘prompts’. I have recently started teaching undergraduates of my field and I feel like an alien to the new language or ‘lingo’ as they call it. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against AI (I know it must be reading this right now, Jahapana tusi great ho), it is just how humans communicate with each other now. They sound really smart when it is on a digital page but when you observe their actual ‘sound’ while communicating with each other, their blank faces searching for words from an invisible screen in front of them and getting no response to their prompts, it feels like the end of an era for literature. The following example of a verbal conversation might sound familiar to teachers facing the same issue as me-
Question- ‘Dear student, can you explain what is ‘so and so’ and how does it work?
Answer- ‘Mam, I don’t know what it is exactly ‘like’ but ‘you know’ it’s more like a thing made of something like a ‘so’… Ummm… I don’t know Mam maybe it is like a ‘so’ but pakka pata nahi Mam. What was the other part of question Mam?’ (Attention span already over in the first part of the question) PERIOD
Frustrating right? Or sorry, ‘like un-liking the answer’
I have been trying to decode their language from quite some time. At first I thought maybe it is a lack of confidence in verbal communication so helping them develop better verbal skills might work, right? Wrong. Learning about their schooling background made me realize that they all were on top of their communication skills in their school days. They were all participants and some winners of their debate competitions. So what and when did it all ‘go South’ (a phrase that will go obsolete in a few years)
The one that I could understand was the fear of being judged. The resilience that previous generation had is missing from the present ones. They were ready to make mistakes and then learn from them. But the current generation fears mistakes because even their slightest mistakes have the capacity of turning into public humiliation due to social media. Did you use wrong tense in your sentence? – Here is your video or screenshot of your text on all social platforms without your consent with a side dish of bullying comments by Grammar Nazis, more comments on those comments, more re-shares, LOL and what not. And now there is a constant reminder of this poor fellow’s silly mistake. Imagine the impact on the psyche of this young individual. When we were young and we made mistakes while speaking, ‘a’ person will point them out to us, we will apologize, correct them and move on. Imagine the entire world laughing on you for that! So now, these intelligent creatures have adapted and stopped verbal communication, they prefer texts so that they can edit and correct them without the humiliation of spoken words.
Another one is the fear of offending others. This is similar to fear of judgement, but more local. If my student is answering questions but he/she forgot to address me as ‘Mam’ or a ‘superior’ (Not saying it is right, it is just how I was raised), I will get offended. The old chain of thought inside the student’s mind was- ‘Ok noted, I will be careful next time to not repeat it and addresses her the way she finds suitable. Let’s apologize, focus on the main point here.’ The present chain of thought – ‘OMG what did I do? Oh no, now she hates me, she might scold me, what if she tells others I am a bad student, I don’t know what to do to not offend her, she gets offended for no reason at all, I am being shamed, here comes the tears, ok, lets stop speaking at all, who knows what might offend her, let’s stay mum.’
I am yet to find solutions for these issues, I am at the bottom of the learning curve here. I would love the opinion of others on this. There might be grammatical errors in what I wrote above, but my brain is happy to have written it without the complete supervision of the higher intelligence, I hope I didn’t offend the almighty AI (pun intended), all hail AI!
कहीं पढ़ रहा था कि हमें उन दरवाज़ों का शुक्रगुज़ार होना चाहिए जो बंद हो गए, वो दोस्तियां जो आगे नहीं बढ़ीं और हर उस चीज़ का जो हमसे टूट या छूट गयी… यह विध्वंस महादेव की उस अटूट कृपा के समान है जो हमें उन लोगों, जगहों और चीज़ों से दूर ले जाती है […]
Dr Garima Nath is Ph D in international politics from JNU, India. She is an internationally awarded painter (instagram handle – @trillion_colours) and currently works as a Project Leader with Multiverse Consulting. Garima lost both her legs and her brother in a horrific accident at the age of 15 but that and the multiple gruelling surgeries and new life that followed didn’t stop her from her being a badass! She went on to reach UPSC finals, travelled internationally and lived and thrived alone in the city of Delhi while doing that. She loves books and currently lives in Dallas, USA with her husband. Here is her short excerpt from her recent hike which I couldnt resist sharing:
Hiking for me has always been in the list of things I will never be able to do. But today I mustered all my courage, slathered 2 layers of sunscreen, put on my shades and shoes and set out on my very first hike- friend’s trail. Although it is only 1.5 miles loop, takes about 40 mins and is considered moderately difficult. It took me about 1 hour 20 mins and NGL felt much more than 1.5 miles 😅 Not knowing what to expect I slowly made my way up the trail mindful of every pebble in my path. With every step came a boost of confidence and triumph and before I knew it the sound of wind in the trees gave way to the sound of the river water. I was proud to have completed the entire trail. Yay! Now back at the place we are staying at and chilling in the hot tub I can’t help but wonder why had I always considered hiking impossible? I agree it was tough for me and my legs are sore but it wasn’t impossible. Going forward I strongly feel the need to break all the self imposed limitations that I have piled up over the years. You might have your own self imposed limitations but my question to you is ‘are they real limitations?’
Nehapedia 